You have met Mr or Mrs Right. For the first few weeks things are going swimmingly well. Ok, there are a few little niggles but you let it slide. Why? Well, it is early days and you do not want to ruin this perfect bubble of romantic bliss. But as the weeks progress, you both settle into the relationship. Those “little niggles” that you let slide have now become big niggles and they are really upsetting you. Where did it all go wrong? The answer is simple: You did not stick to your love boundaries.
It’s likely that many of you have not yet begun to consider what your boundaries are in love, believing the age-old saying “love has no boundaries”. There may be a variety of other reasons why you may not have set your boundaries in love, the most common being that: “He/She will think that I am bossy or controlling.” Setting boundaries is not about being bossy or controlling. But it is about empowering yourself, modelling to the other person how it is that you would like to be treated. In this light setting your own personal boundaries can be one of your most valuable assets in your relationship.
To understand the importance of love boundaries it may be helpful to consider the following scenario. Let’s say you are going on your first date with Mr or Mrs Right. They are late to meet you, leaving you waiting in the cold and rain. You tell them off in a jokey way, not wanting to ruin the evening. But by date 3 he/she is still leaving you waiting and before you know it you are 6 months into the relationship and still waiting. This time you are waiting for he or she to decide if they are ready to commit to a long-term relationship with you.
Before long you are making excuses for their behaviour until it all becomes too much and you decide to call it a day. You move on to the next one, but somehow history seems to repeat itself. They too leave you waiting; waiting by the phone for them to call, waiting for them to make a decision about they want……. STOP! What you have here is a relationship habit; A habit that you will keep repeating until you take responsibility and start setting clear boundaries for your romantic partnerships.
The good news is that relationship habits, those scenarios that you keep finding yourself in, are the best place to start when beginning the process of setting relationship boundaries. In identifying them you have to be honest and take a reflective look at past romantic partnerships to see where it has all gone wrong in the past. Being able to do this requires courage but once you have done it, you empower yourself to take responsibility for your actions, happiness and relationships. In doing this you also begin to recognize and accept that YOU are responsible for your happiness, nobody else. You begin to realize that you do not have to put up with any old rubbish and that you deserve to be happy in love.
Having boundaries is the easy bit. Sticking to your boundaries; well, that’s the hard bit and believe me once you have told the Universe what your boundaries are they will send potential partners, to test those boundaries. To test YOU! With this in mind it is important that you stick to those boundaries. No excuses about the other person being the first amazing guy/woman that you have met in ages. There is no time for excuses when setting and working within your own set of personal love boundaries. You have got to stick to the boundaries! Here are 3 reasons why it’s important to have boundaries and stick to them:
It creates balance in your relationship When you let your boundaries slip you are effectively allowing yourself to dance to the other person’s tune. You are doing things to keep the other person happy at the expense of your own happiness. Is this a balanced relationship? No, it’s not! It’s an unbalanced relationship with the spotlight firmly centred upon the happiness of one person and it’s not you. When you have boundaries you give balance to your relationship allowing both parties to enjoy the relationship as you both get what you want from one another.
You show the other person how you deserve to be treated All too often us women think that the man knows how we want to be treated and, if he doesn’t, then he bloody well should. But that’s not the case because one size fits all relationships don’t exist. We are all different. What works for one woman is a distraction and annoyance for another. When we have boundaries and learn to say ‘No!’ we send a clear message about what we will and will not put up with. In doing this we are showing the other person how it is we want and deserve to be treated.
It’s empowering When you know what you want and refuse to settle for anything less you feel empowered. What happens when you feel empowered? Well, you feel great and that energy radiates outward, touching every person you come into contact with. It is when you are in this state of mind and powerful place in your life that you attract great things and people into your life. Under the law of attraction: like attracts like. Positive, happy and loving people want to be around people who resonate at the same energy level. It is this type of partner and relationship that you want in your life, something very much unlike what you have had before.
In essence, setting personal boundaries in love is like running your own VIP club. There are certain boundaries that cannot be crossed and it’s up to you to eject those that choose to cross your boundaries.
At first setting boundaries in love is tricky. People who used to throw themselves at you, now begin backing off. As they back off you begin to feel as if may be this boundary setting isn’t all it is cracked up to be. It is often at this time that you may want to throw in the towel and revert to your old ways: Don’t do it! Instead persevere, safe in the knowledge that those who back away were not ready to enter your space and be part of your VIP club.
Before long the positive feelings begin to outweigh the negative and you’re likely to experience increased feelings of:
These positive feelings will radiate from you out to the Universe and you’ll find yourself attracting more of the same. You just got to be prepared to go through that icky, uncomfortable period first.
Although, boundaries in love are important you should remember that setting boundaries in other areas of lives is really important to. This could be with your friendships, family life or workplace. Each of these relationships are important and can have a positive or negative impact on our wellbeing, on a spiritual, emotional and physical level. So, get clear about how you want to be treated and start setting those boundaries.
This article has been adapted slightly from my original article, which can be read on the OM Times website. Click here to read the original article.